Plagued.

Lord,

How did Job do it? Family taken. Wealth take. Health taken. Struck with pain - heartache and physically sores. Friends insist he had sinned. Wife asked if he would still trust You.

He never did curse You. He continued to hope and trust in You.

I am feeling dejected. Memories came flooding back as I stepped into the library yesterday.. actually, the moment I saw her (or didn't really look at her). I long for the friendship to be restored. I've forgiven her. But I want to know if she feels the same about wanting the friendship back once more. If she doesn't, she should state it explicitly so that I wouldn't be wasting any more of my time and effort and start on the path of false hopes once more. I am ready to leave it. All I want is one final face-to-face talk with her. Enough time and a conducive environment to talk things out. If her conclusion is that this hope is not founded, I'm fine with that also. Just need one solid CONCLUSION, hopefully amicable.

Prof whatever his name is unreasonable by my terms. Not trying in the least bit to make minor adjustments to the schedule to accomodate the 2 medical students convenience. Raising his voice over the phone in such a defensive mode. Did I speak to him in a respectful manner? I tried to. Oh well, I don't know what this O&G posting has in store for me. I only want to work hard (to be able to do that is a wonder in itself) and do my best to enjoy this posting. Help me Lord. 8% of my MBBS marks are from this OSCEs!

Night call on sunday. The Peter study guide to look through and modify. The neonate book to buy and readings to do before the morning quizzes. 

I think my memory is improving =) Maybe I should not try too hard and relax and try absorb without stress and extra hard effort put in. Thank you Lord.

I don't want to ramble on.

Please keep me close to You. Knowing that You rise the sun each day, ever so faithfully, for me. Your grace is ever sufficient for me and in that I place my hope. Help me to not be afraid of giving of myself to others.

A new week awaits

Father, you have been speaking.
Because of your Son's death on the cross, we can now boldly approach Your throne of grace with confidence, to find mercy and grace to help us in out time of need.
Certainly.

Random thoughts fly me by each day. Memories fade but somehow still remain.
The to-do-list seems never-ending.
Many a times I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

Gone were the carefree days where studying was all I embraced apart from the fervour of serving you and simply being in your presence and that of your people.

Gone were the days where I could open up to and spend time with people who made great little impacts in different areas of my life.

Gone were the days where friends are truly friends and no one had to bother looking over the shoulder all too often.

Here i am.
Ready to be used.
A living sacrifice. One that is not too pleased to report that ever so frequently, this sacrifice crawls off the altar.

Surely you have a plan for me. Surely you know the number of my days, the path I'll take, the people I'll meet, etc.
My dad thinks it silly I want to be a missionary doctor?
Sure, this is but the start of a tug-of-war session that will rage all through the rest of my life.

Whoever taught me what it was to live by faith? To answer immediately when God calls? To go Your way, even when the world thinks it absurd? Whoever did, O Lord.
I'm tired of the constant battle through med school. I'm surely not as smart as I thought myself to be. I'm surely in need of Your renewed grace and mercy each day.
You have been faithful. And You will continue to be faithful.

Will I be faithful in turn?

Bring me through this week triumphant.
May Your joy be my Strength.
May Your light shine through me.

Amen.