Plagued.

Lord,

How did Job do it? Family taken. Wealth take. Health taken. Struck with pain - heartache and physically sores. Friends insist he had sinned. Wife asked if he would still trust You.

He never did curse You. He continued to hope and trust in You.

I am feeling dejected. Memories came flooding back as I stepped into the library yesterday.. actually, the moment I saw her (or didn't really look at her). I long for the friendship to be restored. I've forgiven her. But I want to know if she feels the same about wanting the friendship back once more. If she doesn't, she should state it explicitly so that I wouldn't be wasting any more of my time and effort and start on the path of false hopes once more. I am ready to leave it. All I want is one final face-to-face talk with her. Enough time and a conducive environment to talk things out. If her conclusion is that this hope is not founded, I'm fine with that also. Just need one solid CONCLUSION, hopefully amicable.

Prof whatever his name is unreasonable by my terms. Not trying in the least bit to make minor adjustments to the schedule to accomodate the 2 medical students convenience. Raising his voice over the phone in such a defensive mode. Did I speak to him in a respectful manner? I tried to. Oh well, I don't know what this O&G posting has in store for me. I only want to work hard (to be able to do that is a wonder in itself) and do my best to enjoy this posting. Help me Lord. 8% of my MBBS marks are from this OSCEs!

Night call on sunday. The Peter study guide to look through and modify. The neonate book to buy and readings to do before the morning quizzes. 

I think my memory is improving =) Maybe I should not try too hard and relax and try absorb without stress and extra hard effort put in. Thank you Lord.

I don't want to ramble on.

Please keep me close to You. Knowing that You rise the sun each day, ever so faithfully, for me. Your grace is ever sufficient for me and in that I place my hope. Help me to not be afraid of giving of myself to others.

A new week awaits

Father, you have been speaking.
Because of your Son's death on the cross, we can now boldly approach Your throne of grace with confidence, to find mercy and grace to help us in out time of need.
Certainly.

Random thoughts fly me by each day. Memories fade but somehow still remain.
The to-do-list seems never-ending.
Many a times I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

Gone were the carefree days where studying was all I embraced apart from the fervour of serving you and simply being in your presence and that of your people.

Gone were the days where I could open up to and spend time with people who made great little impacts in different areas of my life.

Gone were the days where friends are truly friends and no one had to bother looking over the shoulder all too often.

Here i am.
Ready to be used.
A living sacrifice. One that is not too pleased to report that ever so frequently, this sacrifice crawls off the altar.

Surely you have a plan for me. Surely you know the number of my days, the path I'll take, the people I'll meet, etc.
My dad thinks it silly I want to be a missionary doctor?
Sure, this is but the start of a tug-of-war session that will rage all through the rest of my life.

Whoever taught me what it was to live by faith? To answer immediately when God calls? To go Your way, even when the world thinks it absurd? Whoever did, O Lord.
I'm tired of the constant battle through med school. I'm surely not as smart as I thought myself to be. I'm surely in need of Your renewed grace and mercy each day.
You have been faithful. And You will continue to be faithful.

Will I be faithful in turn?

Bring me through this week triumphant.
May Your joy be my Strength.
May Your light shine through me.

Amen.

refreshed?

hey Lord,
today marks the start of my patho. i am gonna do my best to study my hardest n i need ur empowerment to do just that. time is flying past.. many things left to be done and 2 jan fast approaching.
skipped polyclinics today. it is a waste of time. tampines is very far. will explain myself tmr.

thanks for the unexpected. you opened me up. couldnt have done that after all the hurt and dissatisfaction. but, YOU ARE SOVEREIGN. and i know that =)

this is gonna be one of the most faith-stretching times in my life.

motivate me. avolition, be gone!

i pray you'll grant me ur wisdom to lead this team and be able to care for their spiritual needs and take them thru this experience in the way you would have me.

i love them so much. You know how my heart just longs to bring them closer together. to assist them in whatever area possible so that they might work hard on their relationship w You-the only thing that lasts till eternity.

i want to ensure that i discipline myself to walk closely w You too.

speak to me Lord. allow me to be sensitive to ur voice. and empower me to work in ur strength to act upon all you've revealed to me. All for the extension of ur kingdom.

All glory be to God.
Soli Deo Gloria.

healed.. with tired eyes

the past 8 hours have been an agony.

Lord,
i re-considering my many decisions for the coming year. even those for the next month.
if i stick to these decisions.. i know that the days of disappointment, misunderstanding, 'torture', inadequacy are back to haunt once again.
well well, of course You are always in control. how You manage even to use the wrongdoings of man to accomplish Your ultimate purpose n will simply tell much abt Your Sovereignty.
If even the grass of the fields and the birds of the air are well taken care of, much more me, Your creation, created in Your image. therefore, i'm to not worry.
the month of dec holds many challenges.
deep within, my desires will surely rage.
show me, teach me, guide me.
and i will take my stand to OBEY.
simply to TRUST n OBEY.
empower me for You work each day.
i love You Lord.
may my love be not merely cheap talk, but rather, may this love pay the price all in faith, hope n love.

the Narrow Gate

You said to "enter through the narrow gate" for "wide is the gate that leads to destruction."

Narrow is the gate that I yearn to enter. Oh, do i yearn enough?

The world constantly beckons, "Follow me! It's okay, just follow me."

Now, when all has passed away, I want to be able to hear You say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

No longer will the transient matter.
No longer will anything, other than my character, last me till eternity.

May my decision be one that is aligned with Your will.
"Your grace is sufficient for me, for your strength is made perfect in my weakness."
May I love, just as You love.
May I give, never expecting anything in return.
May I live, as the salt and light of the earth.

All Glory to You alone, Lord!